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| Grace and Truth in Love
It's funny. When I first went to Bible College, I was all spring-loaded
with my tightly held views of what is right and what is wrong. By
spring-loaded, I mean that I was basically LOOKING for someone who
disagreed with me so I could pounce on 'em and "enlighten them". -
"Enlightening them" usually involved several hours of discussion
wherein I would attempt to logically deconstruct their view and show
them how painfully obvious their foolishness was any reputable scholar,
and how watertight and RIGHT my opinion was. Unfortunately, or maybe
fortunately, things didn't always go the way I planned. More often than
not my prey and I simply spent the better part of an evening getting
worked up and arguing in verbal circles, trading Bible verses like left
and right hooks - each just WAITING for the other to make an
irrecoverable error.
This lasted until about my Junior year when I met some fellows who
exceeded me in their doctrinal bloodlust and I was finally able to
witness this spectacle - or debacle - from the spectator's vantage.
I was apalled, and it broke me of the mindset.
As I watched the theological carnage, I began to realize a number of
things both about myself, and about the general frame of mind regarding
such polemics. First off, I realized that no one ever wins. Instead,
all parties involved invariably dig their heels deeper into their
opinions, bunker down in their fortresses of thought, and stay there
until their philosophical assailant has finally spent himself and gone
on. Since this is what happens on both (or all ) sides, it effectively
produces a sort of verbal trench-warfare. Lives are not changed, eyes
are not opened, and more often than not, the only new things created
are defense mechanisms.
The second thing I noticed is that in such a philosophical fracas it's
not so much about life change or growth as it is about being
RIGHT. Or more to the point, it's about pride. My entire
motivation in pouncing on my quarry was that I might be vindicated as
right - that he or she would be forced into admitting that I was right
and he or she was wrong. Essentially, I was trying to get them to admit
that I was better than them, at least in that one area.
The third thing that I noticed was that other than perhaps a certain
formal cordiality, there was never any GRACE or MERCY being excercised
in such a discussion/exposition. I found this ESPECIALLY ironic since
many of these discussions revolved around the topic of Divine Grace.
But these encounters were not ABOUT grace, and they were not ABOUT
mercy. Again - they were about PRIDE. Knowledge puffs up, but
love edifies. I Corinthians 8:1
And so, I repented. I ceased my strivings, and began to seek
restoration and relationship instead. I think it would be fair to say
that in a way, my epistemology changed. Whereas before I believed that
my command of Scriptural knowledge was of paramount importance, I have
now come to believe that my understanding of Scripture is better lived
out than preached.
It is this belief in the amassing of CORRECT KNOWLEDGE that I have come to refer to as the Modern Christian Gnostic Heresy.
In the time of the Early Church, the Gnostic Cults abounded - teaching
that there is to be found a mysterious secret knowledge that grants
power and access to the afterlife. With Christianity being full of new
revelations, prophecies, miracles, and even speaking in tongues, it was
an easy jump for many Gnostic Cult leaders to incorporate Christianity
and thereby bastardize the Gospel. In fact, much of the epistles are
written so as to directly oppose the Gnostic Heresy. Eventually,
Gnosticism in it's root form faded from Christianity, and the Church
fell prey to other vices ( but that's for another entry, I suppose!).
Today, however, Gnosticism has raised its ugly head in this new form
that I have just described.
Christians have marginalized their faith by relegating it to simple
intellectual application. The central "events" of the Christian Life
are all didactic in form and knowledged based. While the average
Christian in the USA has more Biblical training than some third-world
countries, we seriously believe that we "still need to learn more of
the Bible." We read books, attend sermons and seminars, memorize
verses, and jump from Bible Study trend to trend. And yet at the same
time, the Church in America is either plateaued or declining. The
non-Christian populace as a whole finds us "irrelevant", and it is more
common to hear about angry churchgoers and church division than it is
to hear about lives changed by the Gospel.
We have abandoned our Lover and embraced an intellectual effigy of Christ.
And again, I must reiterate that a lot of this Modern Christian Gnostic
Heresy has to do with pride. It is the Flesh creeping in once more in
its insidious ways to taint, weaken, and poison our faith. We vaunt
ourselves for the knowledge we hold, we flaunt that knowledge that
others may be awed, and we truly believe that we as individuals or
church institutions actually have the corner on the market of truth.
We are deluded.
Admittedly I once believed myself to have the corner on the market of
spiritual truth, as evinced by my actions while at Bible College. But I
am coming to understand more and more that true truth is far greater
than what I will ever fully comprehend.
This is not to say that God cannot be Known, or that Scripture cannot
be Understood. The key to what I am saying is the word "fully".
We know that God is the Author and Lord of all truth. But nowhere in
Scripture are we told that He will give us full understanding of all
truth. In fact, Scripture even makes a passing reference (almost as if
it is an understood statement) that The secret things belong
to God... Deuteronomy 29:29 And in all
reality, this makes total sense. God is above and beyond us, and we
will never, not even in heaven, fully comprehend Him. Simply stated, He
is infinite.
There is much more that I could say here, but I lack the time right
now. I have not even really touched on the issue of Grace and Mercy
shaping Truth to be a useful tool. I suppose that will have to be a
future post.
As I end this post, I would point you again to the ONE group of people
that Jesus consistently lambasted in the Gospels: the Pharisees - who
so smugly lorded thier self-percieved superior knowledge of Truth over
the people and who even wielded it as a weapon to demonstrate their
superiority.
God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble... James 4:6
| | |
| I went to the visitation for Nancy's family at the funeral home
tonight. I wasn't expecting it, but they asked me to play guitar in the
background so it wouldn't be so quiet. *smile* It was kind of
therapeutic for me, especially since guitar and singing was a big thing
with me and Nancy. As I burned through my limited reportoir of songs, I
began to play this song, only to realize how incredibly fitting it is
for me to play to Nancy.
Hear You Me
-Jimmy Eat World
There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go.
I never said thank you for that.
I thought I might get one more chance.
What would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
So what would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
And if you were with me tonight,
I'd sing to you just one more time.
A song for a heart so big,
god wouldn't let it live.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in. | | |
| This morning at 4:30 AM, Nancy Paola Ortiz let go of the encumberance
of this world and entered into a Glory that we will not know this side
of Heaven.
This is the only picture of her that I have, the one that I swiped from her that stays in my guitar case.
Good-Bye Nancy, I will miss you terribly!
| | |
| -A Deviation from the Norm-
I've spent all day today at the Hospital. Nancy Ortiz, a good friend of
mine (in fact the first solid friend I made upon moving to Longview) is
dying. She had a viral infection that went systemic and attacked her
heart, which stopped beating at 6AM this morning. She's been on
life-support since, but has continued to deteriorate. At 6PM today here
pupils were dilated and fixed, which is not a good sign at all.
I met Nancy at a Bible Study for spanish speakers at her parent's
house. I was new to Longview and my dad had introduced me to her
parents on a random encounter at Sam's Club. They found out I speak
spanish and invited me to their Bible Study. I came, but felt awkward,
as my spanish was VERY rusty. After it was over, she invited me to stay
with some friends to watch a movie. We ended up watchign We Were
Soldiers, which is one of the few movies that always makes me cry.
Somewhere before the movie actually started, I threw a pillow at her
and she got upset (she's from Honduras, and I guess that's not very
culturally appropo). She said if her brother was here, that he'd beat
me up for that, and I quipped that her brother wasn't here so nyah.
Turns out that was a touchy subject and I didn't know it but she was
mad at me for like a week for that comment.
Anyhow, she got over it and forgave me - it took her little brother
bringing it up in order for me to even find out I'd even goofed!
Nancy sings, she loves music and art and dance, and she wants to be an
Opera Singer someday. But I'd never heard her sing, and she refused to
sing in small groups - too shy. So one day she tells me that she's
singing in church on Sunday and do I want to come? Well, I was teaching
Sunday School at my dad's church, but still managed to sneak out after
Sunday School and make it in time for the service at LifePoint. The
rest, as they say, is History. I found out very quickly that LifePoint
fit me well, and started going regularly.
Nancy and I got to be good friends, I would bring my guitar on Saturday
nights to the Spanish Bible study,and afterwards I would play and she
would sing - or sometimes she would take her dad's guitar and try to
play along - she was teaching herself how to play.
We never got to hang out much away from her parents' house because her
parents wouldn't let me drive her (cultural thing, I think) but we
still hung out a decent amount. Dan and Bethany, a married couple that
came with me to LifePoint, got to be good friends with her as well, so
we'd hang out some in that forum. Nancy loved Italy, and Dan grew up in
Italy, so they had an instant connection.
I remember originally she was very close-mouthed around me. She'd have
some deep insight and would start to share it and then stop herself
midsentance....as though she couldn't trust me to hear it. But finally
over the months she'd actually start sharing her thoughts with me.
Called me on the carpet once for my two-dimensional thinking with
regards to LifePoint's worship service. She could be so deep, that
sometimes I'd totally forget that she's like 7 years younger than me.
And she loved to cry. It doesn't make any sense to me, but she would
get all worked up about something and start crying - but then
she'd tell me that she liked to cry, that it felt good. She'd watch
movies just because she knew they'd make her cry.
Ugh, and movies. She's a total movies junkie. Johnny Depp on her
ceiling over her bed even, I gave her endless grief about that one,
compared it to "what if Ihad a picture of a supermodel on my ceiling?".
She'd just roll her eyes and try to say how it wasn't the same at all.
I dunno, I guess I'm just rambling. I've had people who were close to
my die as far back as young childhood, so it's nothing new. But this
feels different. It just doesn't make sense that God would take someone
who had so much promise, so much life, and whose heart was so solidly
for Him.
I mean, if Nancy dies (and short of a miracle, she will), her death
will the most like a divine "ZOT!" that I have ever witnessed. A
flu-bug goes rogue and attacks her heart, and because it's a Virus
there's really nothing medically that can be done about it. But not
only does it attack her heart (which the doctors say is a 1 in 10,000
chance), but it does MORE damage to her heart than standard cases. The
more I think about it, the more TOTALLY God has to be in control of
this. The odds are by far too outrageous for it to be just some random
thing.
So then, why? What is God up to here? It certainly doesn't make any
sense to me - why take the life of an 18 year old girl who is committed
to Him? And yet, somehow I still believe that God knows what He's up
to. Ada, her mother, put it this way, "I have peace about this -
that one way or the other, Nancy will be going home." So sure, I
have that assurance. That if Nancy dies, she will reach the Goal, and
there she will find her Prize waiting for her. But nonetheless, I am
moved to pray for miracles, because her death is such a painful thing
for me to consider, and I'm not even her parent! Heck, I
haven't even really TALKED to her since she went to Dallas for college
this semester! But it's still raw, rending, painful, and even empty in
feeling. And so sudden!
I am going to miss my friend, and I hate that she is still technically
alive and yet I can do nothing to prevent her untimely departure.
I got to see her in the ICU, she barely even looked like her, with all
the tubes and stuff. And truthfully, I couldn't even bring myself to
say "good bye".....I just said, "see ya babe..." And I don't know where
to go from there. I don't WANT to say goodbye, but that goodbye seems
so inevitable that it's like a crushing weight bearing down on me. It
hurts.
The tears come and they go. And sometimes when I wish I could cry, I
can't. Sometimes I feel them on the edge of my eyes, and then they go
away, almost like the tide just hasn't come in quite enough.
We never did go back for Vietnamese Coffee.....Starbucks was the closest we got, and that's a far cry.
It feels sort of like a movie that got paused, and now there will never be an ending.
| | |
| The Cross
I was reading today in Galatians 5 and was struck by the content of verses 16-26.
Here
is my advice, live your whole life in the Spirit and you will not
satisfy the desires of your lower nature. For the whole energy of the
lower nature is set agains the Spirit, while the whole power of the
Spirit is contrary to the lower nature. Here is the conflict, and that
is why you are not able to do what you want to do. But if you follow
the leading of the Spirit, you stand clear of the Law.
The
activities of the lower nature are obvious. Here is a list: sexual
immorality, impurity of mind, sensuality, worship of false gods,
witchcraft, hatred, strife, jealousy, bad temper, rivalry, factions,
party-spirit, envy, drunkenness, orgies and things like that. I solemny
assure you, as I did before, that those who indulge in such things
will never inherit God's Kingdom .The Spirit, however, produces
in human life fruits such as these: love, joy, peace, patience,
kindness, generosity, fidelity, tolerance, and self-control - and no
law exists against any of them.
Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified their lower nature with all that it loved and lusted for.
If our lives are centered in the Spirit, let us be guided by the
Spirit. Let us not be ambitious for our own reputations, for that only
means making each other jealous. (Phillips translation, emphasis mine)
Now as I read this, and especially the emphasized part, the thought flitted through my mind, "Am I crucifying myself, or just coddling the flesh?"
In thinking on this, I remembered a chapter in Voices on the Cross that was quite pertinent. I'll quote somewhat liberally here:
There are three forces with
which we must contend - the world, the flesh, and the devil. Of
these the most dangerous is the flesh, for it constitutes the enemy
within. The world and the devil attack from without. They rely on the
flesh for access. If the flesh is brought into submission, that access
is denied.
The Aposte Paul warns, "The flesh
sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh,
for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do what
you please"(Galatians 5:17, NASB). To what was he referring? While
"flesh" as a spiritual dynamic is not defines, its activities are
certainly described. Based upon those descriptions I would suggest the
following definition: "Flesh" is human intellect, will and emotion
acting independently of God. By this definition all manner of activity
can be fleshly - including religious activity....
Paul's writings in Colossians and
elsewhere indicate that while we are no longer obligated to obey
the flesh, we are obligated to resist it. But any form of
resistance will not do. Some forms of resistance only serve to
strengthen the flesh. The only resistance that is effective comes by
way of cross-bearing, a discipline that doesn't occur unless one
understands the process.....
There are two crosses in the life
of the believer. The first is the cross of Christ where He died once
for al to change my standing before God. The other is my
cross; it is a place of ongoing self-denial where He changes my practice before men.
So
I guess the question I find myself asking is not so much "Do I check
out ok vs. the two lists in the latter half of Galatians 5," because
I'm pretty sure I could check out ok in those and still not be
crucifying the lower nature.
Instead, I find myself looking at
the general nature of my life and asking, "Does this look like a life
that is totally submitted to God, that is the product of a systematic
execution of my flesh?"
It's no secret that I like to have my
fun, and that I like to play my games. Be it Battletech, City of
Heroes, or what have you. One of the regular wrestling matches I go
through is whether or not these are elements of my life that are
consistent with who I believe I am called to be. Long ago, I totally
quit playing games, and severed ties with all my gaming buddies, simply
because I thought it was the holy thing to do. Later on, I came to
regret the loss of those relationships. Now days, I find myself looking
for the middle ground - where I can play my games to the Glory of God,
and in so doing not waste that time. But it's hard. And discipline is
hard - quite frankly, I'm not too good at it...but I don't think I'll
learn it if I just quit and go to one extreme or the other.
But
then the question hits me again, "Are these aspects of my life
consistent with systematically executing the lower nature, or are they
the evidence of a coddled and well-preserved flesh?" Moreso, "Does my
passion poured out into my fun result in a preservation of the
lower-nature evidenced in other aspects of my life?"
It's wierd,
because my largest sphere of influence, it seems, is not my group of
friends here in Longview, TX, but is the diverse communities to which I
belong via the internet. So on the one hand, I see the value of those
communities, but on the other hand, I wonder what my life would look
like if I were not investing so much time into them.
Death is
the prerequisite to effective ministry in Christ. This much I know. But
in the worlds of one Missionary to Japan, "Lord Jesus, I don't know how
to die. Teach me how to die!" | | |
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